Worthy-part 1

[black_hat]

Title: Worthy
Characters: Thor, Loki, ensemble
Summary: Thor is forced to make some hard choices (as well as a flash back from the past)
Warning: dark story, I think.
Rating: PG-13 really but R-ish in spirit?
This version is un-beta'd



Mjolnir lay before them.

The mighty weapon had been there as long as they could remember but it was only now that they were to know its purpose.

“Only those worthy can wield this ancient weapon and its immense power,” the All-Father said, his hands on both their shoulders. This was the first time Thor had heard of such a thing—a spell on a weapon.

“Worthy in what way?” Thor asked.

“In spirit and in heart,” Odin said.

Thor looked at Loki and Loki was trying to act as if the answer was obvious to him. It most likely meant the opposite.

“Can I pick it up?” Thor asked.

“You may try,” Odin said, half smiling. “I do not think you can wield it yet.”

Thor shrugged off his father’s hand and went towards the hammer, determined. He wanted to see at least. He pulled on the handle and it was as if it was a part of the ground! He sighed and stepped back but was glad in his heart for he had found a true challenge.

Loki stepped up cautiously behind him, his eyes wide and flickering from Thor to the hammer.

“Oh are you going to try, Loki?” Thor asked. He wasn’t worried. Loki was Loki, the one he always had to protect and encourage and look after. On the other hand, Loki did have some magic in him—Thor had found that out the hard way.

Loki had never been easy to deal with. He didn’t like it when they were carried along the rushing rapids of the falling stream and he didn’t like to ride because he was convinced every horse hated him, as if a horse could form an opinion. He didn’t like the joyous celebrations where there was the most amazing display of lights—he was sure even Loki was behind putting them all out once. (Though Thor had taken advantage of the dark and met some of the younger girls around the area).

Yes, Loki didn’t like many things but in Thor’s opinion, he never stayed away despite his protests.

In truth, Thor never minded Loki because when days were dull, Loki would always have –something to do. Like the time he convinced all the young warriors not to eat in order to procure an extra set of weapons that in the end they did not use. He always knew secret passages, and if Thor could make sure they would get away with it, he mostly went along with it.

At times though, Loki frustrated Thor and Thor always tried to…at times he liked to antagonize his brother who, while not being very understandable, had been so very easy to upset. He only wanted to help him fit in. And vex him.

While roughhousing a bit overmuch, he had been knocked into the wall as well and his mother had cried next to his bed and Loki had been in the corner, pale and silent and nearly invisible. Thor had to motion him over to speak to him at all and eventually he had coaxed him into lying beside him.

“I never thought that magic would be painful,” Thor whispered, having seen it only in women’s sport. But it hurt. It hurt more than he’d ever admit.

Loki touched his bandaged shoulder. “I…I don’t think I knew,” he said, cautious. Then his eyes fixed on Thor’s. “I wished it to happen and it did. I think-I know I’m sorry, I’m sorry-”

“Don’t be sorry. I sometimes wish to hit someone and I do,” Thor offered and that had been the end of it, as he pulled Loki down to finally rest. But Loki had been somewhat proud of his abilities. He had run to show others against their mother’s caution and had returned quiet. A little strange. But Thor had been in bed and had not seen or heard a thing.

Ever since the display of Loki’s strength, there had been a strangeness between his father and his brother, Thor thought.

Now Thor only wanted to watch Loki try to lift the hammer with a straight-countenance. Loki seemed about to raise his hands—

“I will find out later,” he said and stepped back.

“Oh find out now,” Thor said and Loki glared at him.

“You are both too young,” Odin said dryly, and they looked at him in shock. “Someday when you have truly lived, you will be able to find out then if this weapon is yours.” Then Thor was sheepish. Of course. They had not gone into battle and faced the touch of Hel yet.

Loki stared at the hammer and Thor nudged him. Their Father was leaving and so should they.

“I don’t understand what kind of power Mjolnir has,” Thor said once they were alone. “To be enchanted it must hold a bit of Father’s power.”

“It was forged from the core of a star,” Loki said absently, his mind elsewhere.

“Oh!” Thor said, as if that explained it. In a way it did. Still how much power could a star have? Someday he would find out! This was his weapon, he could feel it, and he’d dedicate his time to finding out what trial would prove him worthy! He’d take it on tomorrow if he could!

“Oh,” Loki mocked, focusing on him.

“Why are you upset? This is an amazing opportunity!”

Loki looked at him plainly, and Thor could tell he was doing what his mother had said he always did: thinking too much, taking everything in—too much in.

“And it’s an arbitrary judgment but it’s the only one that matters. And if you can’t prove your worth, what then? You can’t hide that fact from anyone!”

There could be only one who held Mjolnir and there were more than one warrior of Asgard. But Thor could tell this was not the answer Loki wanted. Suddenly he felt strangely sick. Sad. Or helpless.

“Everyone proves their worth here,” Thor said, and it was not something he believed (not for himself) but it was something Father said.

Loki’s face closed up. “Now you recite lessons.”

All those lessons he had heard from Loki himself. Always trying to engage their father in philosophy. Thor would say how it seemed so pointed amused him more than the act itself but he had learnt a great deal.

“Brother, you’re my…my brother. A prince of Asgard, son of Odin.”

“As are you, are you prepared to fail?”

“I am not,” Thor began, “I am the best warrior in class,” but he stopped there. Loki smiled at him.

“Then we shall see,” he said.

“You shall see it will not change anything,” Thor said.

Loki looked at Thor’s shoulder, had to crane his head up because his brother was now taller than him. “Things have already changed,” he said. He turned and walked ahead of him, Thor staring after him in deep concern.

It was uncomfortable because he knew Loki’s fear well, as it was his now, since he had failed. What could it be like to be determined lesser?

But Thor thought, shaking his head, he would be still his brother. The brother of Thor, while Thor was powerful and strong enough to protect him and hold him high with him.
And that had to be more than enough.

***

Thor could only watch.

The recent surge of crops in desperate countries. (Just a glimpse of Loki that time).

Now he watched his brother on the screen in the middle of a city beset by a plague of disease and violence from one of the ‘mutant’ rioting groups. He watched Loki—healing people. His brother did have that ability although he hadn’t seen him use it in a very long time.

“Okay, just so we are all on the same page?” Tony Stark asked. “This is complete and total-.”

“Crap,” Clint finished, his eyes set coldly on the screen. His body was tense and angry.

“Well,” Steve said hesitantly.

“It’s crap,” Natasha corrected. Steve nodded after a while.

“He’s up to something, true, but he did say he was trying to help to the reporter. Didn’t he? Is this part of his punishment, Thor?”

The goings on of Asgard and the rest of the nine realms was not up for discussion but Thor knew these were his friends, just as much as the Warriors Three. Well, perhaps not but the sentiment was there, in their hearts, they were warriors.

“There have been incidents where he has helped us,” Thor admitted. “Diplomatically, as you would say.”

Bruce snorted. “And he’s such a diplomat. The mind control must help.”

“He can do well without such tactics,” Thor offered, because it was true. Loki’s words and strategy could be very persuasive.

“I don’t see how someone who amounts to a war criminal can be your diplomat,” Steve said, his voice becoming stronger.

Thor was quiet for a moment.

“In Asgard, it would be a long time to hold a grudge,” he said.

“Well, anyway, that’s nice but I already called. Since he’s in Canada, they don’t want us over there. And they don’t want to stop him.”

“They don’t want any mutant, registered or not, or any…superhero,” Bruce guessed hesitantly, “to be involved.”

“But Loki, this crazy super-villain from space, can be there, no sweat,” Clint said.

“They are calling for him,” Natasha said, pointing to the screen.

“I see that they have mass amnesia,” Clint said, tensely.

“Well, I see that they want to live,” Natasha said. That quieted the situation.

The people were calling. Those still free of rubble were calling for help on the street and he was indeed giving them help, lifting the debris. It was strange because Thor thought he could see Loki…focused on helping.

“I’m going to make some calls and pull some strings, throw my money around,” Tony said and left, his face dark. Steve hurried after him, shocked at the remark. The others soon began to follow and it left him with this strange portal called a screen, it left him with a ghost. He heard a sound and he saw that Natasha had not left.

She waited.

“He was not always this way,” Thor said. “He was mischievous at worst.”

“I didn’t know he could heal,” Natasha said. “Does that ability come with magic in general?”

“Not always. I do not know their ways as much as I should but you need to have a certain skill to do so. A certain natural…talent.”

There had been a time where his brother had wanted to heal their father’s eye: it had gone unwell. That was when he stopped healing and left it to the other magic users. Thor had never thought about healers: it had been an afterthought. Now the notion seemed dear to him.

“You want him to be doing this for good reasons,” Natasha said, standing up. “I understand that. I get that he wasn’t always this—person now. But it happens. People can change in an instant and it’s a lot harder going back to what you were than falling into what you’ll become.”

“He’s still in there,” Thor said. “And he was clever. He could come back.”

Natasha watched him for a moment.

“You can remember who he was and love him. But when it comes down to it—I hope you can let go of that person if you have to.”

“Of course,” he said stiffly. “I have my honor and you have my word.”

She nodded and then left.

He was still with that ghost: who, after saving many people, held up his hands in peace and vanished.

Held up his hands.

I can’t believe you still fall for that.

Still, perhaps Loki hadn’t died in that fall and in that terrible abyss.
Perhaps there was hope.

***

Thor had always tried to help his brother.

Before his brother had developed his magic, he was nearly invisible, always standing near their mother and watching the fights. Finally Thor decided to help. Loki could use magic and still fight.

Well he had always tried to help even when his approach was misunderstood. He didn’t remember when it had started but it became a ritual. Thor would drag his brother from the shadows and force him to play with the other boys.

Their games were about the warriors of old and the battle between their people and the frost giants. Everyone knew it by heart and so longed to play and to have their lives remembered in such a way. The boys, and the lone girl Sif, had taken to running in their races and to practicing mastering the flying horses in the stable that they weren’t to tamper with. Sif was fast but not as fast as he was.

Thor didn’t notice the increasing resistance on Loki’s side.

“Why are you hiding under the bed?” he demanded, after bursting into the room and finding the bed empty. Loki had not yet mastered invisibility.

“I’m…testing your tracking skills.”

Thor stared at him and then grinned. “Oh but it’s no trick to find you,” he said, because he always found Loki, and he drug Loki out. It was important that Loki go with him during the day because even then, as young as he was, he heard whispers about his younger brother’s behavior. He understood that he had to help no matter what.

He pulled him with him into the small arena where they all sparred and pretended to be the great warriors they’d become. It should have gone better.

Loki would dodge rather than be hit. Not to say his brother wasn’t capable. He could maneuver so that his opponents would run into each other. Eventually they caught on and Thor, after fighting off his opponents, did…

Well. He wanted to help his brother. It was a good day. No one would call Loki anything bad again and they had all worn their bruises proudly.

That night, he woke up to pain exploding in his face. Loki was on top of him, he could tell that much, and he was hitting him dead in the face as hard as he could. Thor struggled but was trapped under the blankets.

Then he decided that this was not bad for Loki. Amazing for someone who didn’t want to bruise his knuckles before and he was hitting him with all the force in the world—not that much but enough.

Thor let it go on until he pushed upwards and Loki toppled. He laughed and sat up in the bed, wiping his face.

“Your timing is off,” Thor said.

“What?!” Loki screamed.

Thor frowned.

“You are not supposed to attack me in my sleep,” he explained. “If this was during the day, you’d hear the cheers but it is not honorable to attack your opponent when they are sleeping. I will show you tomorrow-”

But you’d never get me, not truly. One of the other ones. Thor was trying to be gentle and older in explaining why this was wrong.

Then it happened. Loki started to cry angrily. Thor blinked in shock and reached out to hold him.

“What is wrong?”

“You don’t know? How can you not?! You torment me every day.”

Thor swallowed a sting in his chest. “How so?”

Loki began to laugh and then he choked again and Thor embraced him. “Please explain it to me. So I can understand.”

Thor had been so certain today had gone well. He had shown people that his brother wasn’t afraid of physical tests of strength or any odds against him.

“I don’t want to be hurt anymore.”

“Hurt?”

“Hit! I don’t want to be hit!” Loki roared, and Thor recoiled. Loki lay in the covers, angrily snarling, and Thor marveled at the fact that he could look—be both sad and angry at the same time. How was that even possible?

Thor acted on instinct. He wrapped his brother firmly in the blanket—to avoid the issue of being kicked in the head—and held him. Loki was indeed angry, and Thor was reminded of the times where he’d be in terror when he was younger. He was very easily set upon by nightmares after stories of war and Thor—though he loved the stories—would always try to draw him away from the feasting table.

It never worked long. Loki would sneak back and then come to him wild with fear.

“You—you—I never thought you--,” Loki breathed out, ‘you’d strike me-.”

It was supposed to be a sign of respect.

“I will never strike you again,” Thor said. “I swear. I promise.”

Loki laughed and cried at the same time, another first. He had never seen his brother so upset.

“Do you know what your vanity show has caused!?”

“What?” Thor asked calmly.

“They want you to fight soon, the older guard. I overheard them while I was still trying to stop bleeding.”

He did not know what that had to do with fighting with Loki recently.

“They think you’ve grown enough to lead men since you can force even me to…to take a beating!”

“I am old enough. Or will be soon,” Thor said slowly, missing any logic in this conversation.

Loki was calming down, breathing more steadily.

“Why did you not refuse me?” Thor asked.

“You--…”

“Tell me,” Thor insisted. He hated having to ask. Nothing made sense so far except that his brother did not want to be a part of them. It was hard to explain but what else was it?

“You’d walk away from me,” Loki said.

“No-,”

“I’d rather be doing something I’m good at!”

“You'd rather be studying magic more often?” Thor ventured, and Loki nodded.

Loki does not make things easy for himself, does he? He wouldn’t lie and say he wasn’t horrified but he kept it to himself. His opinion would make or break Loki and Loki wasn’t faring well.

Loki was so different. Frustration aside, Thor could help him despite those differences. He was Thor, one of the great future heroes, after all.

“Then you should and become one of the very greatest!” Thor yelled and made Loki jump. Loki looked at him and began to laugh. It seemed better than before.

“I’m so tired,” Loki said and Thor set him down. “And it’s not that simple. To make that choice. It’s not simple to declare—to declare what I am.”

“I’ll make it that way,” Thor declared. “No one will question you or strike you again. They will answer to me.”

Loki looked at him and his expression was strange. He seemed to be restraining himself.

“I may come by the arena a few more times, just for practice. Exercise. Observation.”

Thor nodded, tired himself now. He held his brother until Loki’s breathing softened and slowed. He still looked pale and sickly from the outburst and Thor still tasted the dried blood on his lip.

“Thor?”

His eyes flickered open and he wanted to groan.

“Why do you want to rush off into Hel’s arms?”

What.

“What?” Thor asked.

“You know that you could die, that your immortal soul will be forever with…her,” Loki said. “You do know that? What is that pulls you away? I know you want to be a hero but there has to be more to it than that. I would think that…that the thought of mother would deter you. What would she do without you? Why don’t you think of her when you are one of the few she truly cares about?”

Thor was starting to finally get annoyed.

“It won't happen. The idea is to defend myself and do the opposite of dying,” Thor said, “and to help my enemy into Hel’s arms instead. It’s not mere heroics, it’s my own worth. I must find out if I am worthy of my name.”


There was a long silence.


"I’m not going to die,” Thor said.

He waited.

“Goodnight," he finished anyway.

Eventually he fell asleep.

***

The past few months had Thor paying a price for Loki’s actions. His friends grew more on their guard around him and it made him feel regret while he understood their caution. All except the adventurous Tony Stark.

He wanted to examine Mjolnir.

“I’m just the curious sort of guy,” he said. “You might have noticed.”

Thor held on to Mjolnir, standing in the middle of the laboratory. He was trying to be—diplomatic.

“I have noticed,” he offered. “But the secrets of Mjolnir are hard to unlock and are secret among our philosophers.”

But he was no better. Jane would have wanted to see and he remembered how she had lit up at his knowledge. He may have understood Loki’s frantic search for answers after that look.

“Yet I will keep no secrets from you,” Thor said, “if you keep what you have found between us.”

“Of course,” Tony said, sobering. “I thought I’d have to bribe you or something but this is a lot easier.”

Thor took the hammer back.

“I’m kidding! Joking,” Tony said, smiling. “If you could put it on the table there, that’d be great. Since I can’t lift it and all.” He paused. “What is the working definition of worthy?”

The look in his eyes was sincere. Thor paused for a moment.

“I’m afraid I can’t give you any definition,” Thor said. Only that I have proven myself. Stark had as well, just—there was a difference. Thor had been there at his sacrifice. Thor …did not like to think about it.

Tony nodded and seemed to accept it.

Thor smiled and put the sacred weapon on the table. He was half curious himself and he didn’t feel badly. Many would disagree with what he had done, gestured, offered, but Thor had faith in his friend, the man who sacrificed himself so willingly for thousands.

“Thanks. I mean it. So. This will take a while.”

Thor nodded and had a sinking feeling he ignored. Some hours later:

“You gave Mjolnir to Tony Stark?” Jane asked, her face falling as she sat on the couch near him. He was still learning about the joys of television. And it’s puzzling addictive tendencies. The violence held no honor and many people broke their word. It was a puzzling thing and he did his best to enjoy the music which was always had such stories to tell. Jane was in talks with Darcy to obtain an iPod for him.

Tonight however, Jane did not guide him towards the music channels.

“I do not understand the problem, Jane. He is a trusted friend.”

“No, it’s just—I don’t know,” she said. “He has a reputation among the science community. Why does he want it now?”

Thor thought it over carefully. “My brother has sparked his interest again in our realm,” Thor said.

“Yeah, I figured,” Jane said hesitantly, and Thor looked at her, knowing her thoughts.

“You are safe,” he said. They had had to move her instantly upon Loki’s arrival and he owed them a great debt. She wasn’t Loki’s focus then but now—he still couldn’t’ see his brother in such a light. But it was for the best since he remembered those threatening words.

She was very small and brief. As they all were. He cherished her all the same.

“I don’t need to be,” she said. “That’s impossible for anyone, all the time.”

Thor straightened up. He would have boasted in the olden days. Now he just wanted to prove it.

“We shall see,” he said.

She smiled warmly and sat closer. Something was still troubling her.

“Please speak your mind,” he said.

“I don’t want you to feel guilty,” she said. “I know that’s impossible too.” She read his confusion. “About him.”

Thor paused and then wrapped her in his arms.

“It is truly impossible not to care; I grew up with him.”

“Then it’s unconditional,” she said. He paused at the word, working out the meaning.

“But you don’t have to bear all the weight,” Jane said.

“There is no need to worry. I don’t…feel guilt anymore.”

“None?”

He found he couldn’t fully answer her. He had let him go. That this had been building for so long while he hadn’t noticed. He hadn’t been able to save him, and he had been convinced through all his mourning that if he had found the right words…

“No,” he said and kissed her forehead.

It was the first time he had lied to her.

***

Loki had been growing distant from him before this new challenge appeared.

He was always off in his head and no joyous occasion could make him smile. Now Mjolnir took on a life of its own, and it was like they were young again, always together and each other’s shadows.

Loki was visiting late at night again. Thor would wake up and he’d be nearby on the couch, reading some scroll. He had become obsessed with Mjolnir and as a result, Thor did as well.

Thor was almost happy that they were in some assumed competition. He would not think about the ending.

“What are you reading?”

“Do you care?”

“No,” Thor said and stomping closer, he ruffled Loki’s hair. “But I like to hear you speak to me when I’m in the room.”

Loki scoffed. “Since it’s important to both of us, I’ll tell you. These are stories about the quests of old. There’s a spell that can recreate them.”

Thor stared at him. “You learned this in your magic sessions? In a few weeks?”

“Of course not. I took my own initiative and explored the so-called instructor’s room.”

Thor had to admire the irreverence and he smiled. “You are indeed my blood brother.”

Loki kept his head down but Thor could sense his pleasure keenly.

“You see—this could be our test,” Loki said carefully. “We could do this together.”

Thor didn’t know if it would count for much if it was created by magic rather than lived but somehow he could not voice the words.

“It would be an honor,” he said, adjusting his armor. He caught a glimpse of Loki in the mirror, caught a glimpse of his expression. It made his heart tighten to see such an open look, such a desperate one. He turned back and it was gone. As if it had never been there.

His brother really looked up to him. Naturally. Who wouldn’t?

“As soon as I can, we will give it a go. Now to go and train.”

Loki’s smiled faded but his eyes were still bright. “I will watch.”

“I’m glad for it—and you will also see me smite them all.”

His normally solemn Loki was more energized than ever at the arena, shouting words of encouragement! Thor didn’t need them but it felt good, better than it had in a long time, when he dodged their blows and turned their own strength against them.

Loki was smiling again in the aftermath, for once standing next to him and enjoying the company.

“I had no idea you were that good,” Loki muttered, raising an eyebrow.

“I will forgive your ignorance since you’ve been inside for too long,” Thor joked and pulled Loki’s chair closer to his.

“I won’t, because you aren’t that good, prince,” someone said. He looked to see that Sif, with her long golden hair, had taken a seat beside him. “Your extravagant swings leave you too open to a strike.”

Thor will admit it. He momentarily forgot his brother because he started to argue with Sif. Just an enthusiastic debate.

“You took more strikes than he did,” Loki said, suddenly hissing forward after a long term of silence.

“That’s because I’m not a prince. I’m a woman. They want to prove me lesser. But you two—you always get away with your fights and your tricks because no one wants to offend the All-Father. In a real battle, the offense is rather the point, and you had best not enable one another to think differently.”

Thor sobered. If this was true, his victory was not a victory. Loki’s eyes were green with anger.

“Get away with it? I hardly ever.”

“You don’t avoid getting caught. You expect Thor to handle your troubles and express his sympathy. I’ve seen you on the battle field, you don’t strike unless you have to…or to amuse yourself. You wait for Thor to take care of them all.”

Loki’s eyes widened and darted to his. He seemed struck silent, as if this was the truth—that the bruises Thor had been taken were more deliberate. But it didn’t matter to Thor at the moment, as he was lost in his own anger, replaying the battles in his head. They may have held back. They may have insulted him so.

“Thor, that isn’t so,” Loki stammered out.

Yes it was, he thought. Smugly.

“It doesn’t matter if it is. I would always have your back in a battle,” Thor said. Back to the important point. “But I can’t help that my opponents are weaker than I am. If they did lose, they are dishonorable and would have lost anyway.”

“A future king should be able to hear the truth,” Sif said, her good humor having faded and she left them to their brooding.

“That was awful,” Thor said. “If you were unaware.”

“Would it matter if I was?” Loki asked.

“I wish you had your humor back,” Thor said.

“It will return as soon as you have yours back,” Loki said and looked towards where Sif was now sitting, as far across the room as she could get.

“Her words do not matter. Only what we think matters,” Thor said, momentarily forgetting himself. Loki lowered his eyes and nodded. And he wasn’t helping matters.

He wanted to say more but the doors flew up and he heard the sounds of a panic outside the hall.

His father stood up and held up his hand.

“What is the meaning of this?”

“The south border was attacked by frost giants!”

Impossible, Thor thought. They would have had to cross over first. Unless it was one of the tribes that had been trapped here during a battle. They were rogue and had the most brutal nature. Thor’s heart lifted.

His father was walking out of the hall so Thor threw back his chair and hurried after him. It was his business as well!

In the small corridor, near the garden, they had drugged the victims. One’s body was twisted up. Another had a bite in his side and his body had been frozen. His arm had broken off, the blood frozen.

Thor gaped at the sight. His father was giving quiet orders for the families of the fallen warriors. Which was his right. But his blood was calling for war right now.

“Surely,” Thor said, after the bodies were carried out of sight, “we will kill them for this. Slay them all.”

“I had tried to give them a chance at peace,” his father said, hesitantly.

“And if we had struck first, they would not have-.”

“Thor.”

He did not know that Loki had followed him and he was impatient.

“A king should hear the truth.”

Yes, he regretted it after he said it. Loki’s face went still then, as if he wanted to look away but couldn’t really go through with it.

“As I have,” Odin said, to Thor’s surprise. “It will have to be done.”

Thor’s pulse was still racing as his father left them. Loki looked after him and then his eyes darted to the frost on the ground.

“…Did you see that?” Loki asked. “Did you? You see, that is death.”

“That will be the last of it. I have found my quest, brother. I will be among those to go kill them.”

He knew it would be a solemn moment: he had just declared his coming-of-age. Loki’s face worked furiously and he seemed torn.

“If you were to go, it’d be just...it could change everything,” he stopped and closed his eyes. “No. No. Don’t go. It’s too dangerous.”

That was not the reaction Thor had expected and his disappointment flooding through him.

“I will pretend that you did not say that, it’s disgraceful,” he said harshly and stepped past Loki, who did not even attempt to understand.

Loki was not in his room in the morning. Although he noticed that empty place, Thor had more important things to worry about. And by the end of it all, he’d be worthy.

He’d have all the time in the realms to make it up to Loki.

***

Thor had never witnessed such cruelty.

The reports came in hours ago that ordinary people in California were exhibiting signs of …magic and seemed to be controlled. Thor had not made the connection—the distance was far, the place different, and the people different as well.

“Okay I can’t even pretend to have doubt about this one,” Tony said quickly, pointing at the screen. “The sensors all say it’s Loki’s magic, and I did the count. The exact same number of people using magic? Guess how many our humanitarian diplomat healed last month?”

On the screen, a girl had frozen her father solid. The expression on her face was
familiar and strange at the same time. She was half screaming, half fighting against what held her.

“Why are we sitting here?”

“I’m standing,” Tony said, in full armor. “Thor, you should go on ahead, you can travel faster.”

He was already out the door, his heart racing. He took the sky but already he did not know what to do. How could he strike the girl? How could he strike down any of them?

They weren’t Barton’s soldiers and he couldn’t even excuse them as causalities. They were the targets.

What has Loki done?

***

“Brother.”

Thor lifted his head slowly, his brow still damp from the day. He had fought hard. Not well. But hard. His opponents were more aggressive this time around. Sif had been right. Now he was being prepared for a true battle. His body ached and that was good and he had only wanted to rest in the shadows of the garden.

“Loki,” Thor said, warningly. He was angry at Loki’s disappearance and coldness and renewed interest in Mjolnir. It was futile. Why did he not see that? He was only harming himself.

“I do not wish to fight,” Loki said, holding up one hand. In his other hand, he held a goblet.

Thor would not be surprised. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Good, I did not wish to defeat you. What is that?”

“A peace offering.” The goblet was offered. “From the heart. I want to help.”

Thor raised an eyebrow and realized that he had missed his shadow. He smiled and down the drink.

“Only mead?” Thor mocked lightly.

Loki shrugged. “It was an impulse that over took me. So. How are things?”

Thor wanted to say there were well. “They don’t trust me. The men. They think they will have to protect me.”

Loki was quiet for a while.

“It’s not a bad thing, is it?” he asked. “To be protected. You can’t lead if you’re…well, beheaded”

Loki still did not understand.

“They think I won’t fight and do what’s necessary, give my enemy an honorable death,” Thor said, growling. If a frost giant could have an honorable death, it’d be at his hand.

Loki tilted his head. “Anything can kill. It’s the display of purpose and power that matter.”

“Then I am the best and they are all fools and cowards.”

“Thor,” Loki sat beside him. “Do you honestly think you can run a sword through them? I have never seen you harm anything, not even the insects on the ground. You applaud Balder for his kindness to all creatures—even though it’s ridiculous. How can you be sure you will be able to kill—even the monsters?”

“Wait, what do bugs have to do with it?” Thor demanded.

Loki sighed, about to say more but Thor had had enough.

“I’ll find out in the heat of battle and that’s enough for me, besides frost giants are…well, what they are. What good will talking and constantly thinking about it do me?” Loki nodded quickly and they sat in silence, Loki’s hands intertwining in his lap.

“I don’t think you’re a killer,” Loki said.

A killer. For all that was good in the realms.

“Even when you said yourself anything can kill?”

“Except you,” Loki said. It was a good thing Thor wasn’t a killer. So much misunderstanding in his younger brother twisted at his heart…

“Someday you’ll understand,” Thor said, touching Loki’s head lightly. “And keep those words between us.”

Or else Loki would be a laughing stock. Loki’s lips twitched as Thor handed the goblet back.

“I think you’re right. Someday I will understand perfectly.”

***

The man in the white plain shirt was screaming with laughter as Thor launched himself towards him only to phase through.

Thor growled and in frustration, quickly swung his fists backwards. It was a direct contact. Thor grabbed him before he could fall but his body was limp.

“I-friend Banner,” he said, to the nearest person. Only his friend wasn’t himself anymore.

“Keep smashing,” was the reply. Thor placed the man on the ground, nameless, and hoped he was still alive.

“Thor, it’s spreading,” Tony said in his ear. “The magic. Every time one of them touches another person, it’s infecting them. It’s exponential at this point.”

“What shall I do to help?” he asked, quietly.

“Find the source,” Tony said. Loki.

“I will! I will-.”

“He’s already here. Behind you. Don’t look yet.”

The man Thor had struck. Loki could change his appearance. But why was he staying out of sight?

“I can’t think of another way except to strike him hard, break the spell,” Tony said in his ear. A sound of the sky and Iron Man was on the ground, walking towards Thor and the body behind him.

“We have to move these people,” Tony announced and then stepped closer to the body, knelt down. Raised his hand. Inside his glove came a glow that Thor recognized despite this being the first time—it was like his own power, only pure power without a true master.

Thor did not think. He grabbed Tony’s arm, jerking him away.

“What are you doing?!” Tony demanded.

But the body before them faded. He was gone.

“What are you doing?” Tony demanded, calmer now. No, not calmer—focused.

“That would not have only stunned him,” Thor said, angrily.

“I knew what I was doing!” Tony said. “So how about-.”

Thor sensed the air change and he grabbed Tony up, leaping to the side. The blue fire flew by his head, nearly burning him—and it would have kept burning if it had hit.

The change in the air, it was still all around them.

“What have you done?”

Loki’s eyes sought Thor’s friend in battle, focusing in, his eyes gleaming blood red. Then to Thor, and the look was so far gone it made him freeze in horror.

“What have you done?!” Loki screamed and every mortal who was cursed turned as one, hands raised and glowing.

“Holy-.” Tony began.

Thor kept his grip and he raised Mjolnir—but he could only deflect so much, the mortals were surrounding them-

He cried out as a blast hit his back but he kept moving, lifted up.

“THOR!”

He let Stark go and turned, striking with his lightning. At that last moment, his brother—his eyes, blood red now-- dropped his hands.

The hit landed and Loki fell, changing in his form, struggling to take the blast. He saw the blaze of red, Iron Man readying his aim, and he made a decision.

He leapt down and grabbed his brother.

“Wait, nonono no!” Tony yelled. “They’ll still fucking enchanted! You have to knock his lights out!”

Loki began to mutter under his breath and Thor decided it was a good idea. So he obliged, fist to the face. Then he kept moving into the sky, the city fading behind him.

“-It-okay, it didn’t work,” was the static from Tony Stark’s mortal gift.

Thor tore it from his ear.

***

The goblet trembled in his hand.

The strange feeling struck him halfway through the celebration and his vision blurred.

“Are you well?” Sif asked, her voice gentle. It was a rare thing and he would have liked to be honest.

“What else would I be?” Thor said, straightening up, forcing himself. “I think your own nerves are showing.”

She tensed and her face closed up—she abandoned him there and he was more than thankful. He walked slowly in a swaggering gait to the nearest way out and decided to fight this demon himself. He had drunk too much…incredibly. Being only fourteen summers, it was expected. But this—

He kept walking. He’d go to his room. He had to before anyone saw.

“I thought I’d find you here.”

Where was here?

“I’m hard to miss,” he said, boastfully—he was about to fall .He was about to fall in public now, he heard the sounds and smells from the homes. He was seeing black and red and he wanted to tear his head open but his arms were too weak. Now, he smelt of sickness, and they could tell-his father would-

“It’s just me,” Loki said, and Thor collapsed, arms barely catching him. “Er, only me and myself to hold you up…”

There was another hand at his shoulder.

“You said-.”

“It’s only me,” was Loki’s voice. All around.

“Get me out of sight,” Thor said and he thought he was begging. This wasn’t sickness. He felt –weak.

Loki did not ask questions, he began to move him quickly. Heimdall would catch on though perhaps Loki’s trick would shift his attention. This was like he was drowning in the air, and he concentrated on Loki’s breathing.

“Steady,” Loki said, and he stopped. Waiting around a corner. “There, now hurry.”

Thor stumbled into Loki’s room and it almost made him afraid. Briefly. It was his mysterious infliction but through his eyes, the things hanging from the ceiling cast the darkest shapes on the wall that seemed to be reaching for him. It had a rigid order that made no sense to him. Thor would not have guessed that from those early years of mischief and fun. So this was Loki’s…

“Mind,” Thor babbled and fell towards the bed.

“I am minding you,” Loki said.

“I can’t move. I can’t.”

“It’s all right, hold on,” Loki said and Thor felt himself being turned in midair. How did Loki know so much, so quickly? It was as if he had always studied. Nose in a book. Like their mother said.

“Mother.”

“No,” Loki said, worried, and he felt an arm slid underneath his head. “Your brother. Quite a few differences.”

“You don’t sound like yourself,” Thor muttered--surer, more certain, this voice curled around him.

Loki’s hand brushed his forehead. “I suppose I’m…I’ve seen this before. This happens when the body is overexerted, it leaves you vulnerable to certain ailments. It’s been in more the …peasant and ruffian area but I can see it could spread easily.”

“I’m dying,” he whispered in horror. A death in bed. An apple from the grove should help him but he had—drunk—his thoughts….

“No,” Loki said firmly. “You’re not dying on me yet. Don’t be…are you crying?”

Thor thought he was, he felt a wetness in his eyes.

“You’re all right, it will pass,” Loki hurried on, uneasy. “I didn’t expect the case to be so strong but it will pass. I promise.”

“What if it doesn’t?”

“Oh I don’t know,” Loki said, a slight hysterical edge to his voice. “Please don’t say such things. Most likely it will pass. Rest…I’ll call for Father-.”

“It’s his feast,” Thor whispered, his body pulsing. He felt the covers being placed over him, and he was sinking into sleep. Falling like a stone. “I can’t. In the morning, I’ll be better.”

Loki moved to get up. Thor somehow grabbed his wrist. Loki stilled and then settled down beside him.

A week. The attack was this week. All those plans.

“…They’ll think I’m a coward.” Sif would think he’s a coward.

“It doesn’t matter what they think,” Loki soothed. “Just what we do.”

Loki touched his cheek—an old habit of his childhood—but he plummeted past that point. He stopped fighting the shame and let Loki cradle him.