A Questionable Reality
Feb. 6th, 2010 10:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
black_hatFandom: The Big Bang Theory
Rating: PG (I'm thinking...)
Pairing: Penny/Sheldon
Word Count: 4, 808
Prompt: inspired by the idea of Schrodinger’s cat
Warning: it is unbeta'd.
“I can’t work with these lights! They are right in my face.”
Jennifer’s voice boomed out through the auditorium.
Penny could think of other things—like anvils—she could put in the star of the show’s face yet she restrained herself. She was the understudy, true, but that was one step closer to her dream. Being an extra wasn’t the same thing as an understudy. This wasn’t the same thing as being on the TV but….this was a good sign. Building her resume was a priority.
She seized the moment and leaned forward in her seat to speak to the director.
“Hey, I could take her place while they work on the lights. I work outside as a kid a lot, so my eyes are probably immune to intense light.”
The director listened to her for a moment and then nodded, calling out to the other actress to take a seat.
Now, Penny could strut her stuff. Now-
“Penny.” She clenched her jaw. “Penny.”
“Yes, Sheldon?” she asked, getting to her feet, script a ready-made weapon to bop certain physicist.”
“Immunity doesn’t work that way,” he added with some caution. “That’d be evolution, and your statement contradicts evolution.” He was, of course, already standing, having been able to find a perfect seat with all his requirements.
“You could figure out a way for it to work that way. Chew on that, while I work.”
He made a face at her and then his expression cleared. “Sarcasm.”
She nodded as she watched Jennifer cleared the stage. She just had to get into character, jump into the emotions, and be in another place and another time. Be another person. It was what she was good at. Though this play wasn’t modern, it kept to a common theme of human experience. And that was-
“I’m interested in observing ritualistic and repetitive motions,” Sheldon commented, prepared to study the stage.
-Love-. She smiled at him. “Sheldon. Get ready to be amazed, I’m about to blow your mind.”
“Still sarcasm? I hope?”
Sheldon, she had discovered, never meant any harm in his comments. He should be concerned for his mind because she was about to rock it. So she winked at him and walked up the steps, taking slow and steady breaths. She was not going to psyche herself out.
Romeo was a dark headed handsome guy who was kind of a kiss ass to the director: she couldn’t blame him, but it was a little unnerving.
“Okay, let’s start this scene when Jennifer left off.”
The lights really were bright. She felt like it was burning her eyes. Hey, look on the bright side of this whole thing: she was on stage and she wouldn’t see Sheldon watching her. It hadn’t been her choice, to bring him along. He had gone to one of his many check-ups at the hospital and she had been the only one available to give him a ride. She wasn’t going to let herself miss any rehearsal, so he just had to sit there.
Obviously, she had made a good choice showing up.
'Tis but thy name that is my enemy…” Penny thought she delivered it well, and she could relate a little to Juliet. Jerk after jerk after jerk till there was finally hope. She started to sink into the words and get the momentum. She could feel the director’s eyes on her.
Then she glanced up to stare down at Romeo from the platform. His warm eyes lit up and he opened his mouth—
To croak out a mangled sentence. That burst her bubble.
“…What was that?” the director asked sharply.
“I’m coming down with a cold.”
“Oh for—then where’s your understudy?”
“I caught the cold from him,” Romeo said, rolling his eyes, and then coughing again.
“Great. This is just great. We will actually get through a scene today, people. Just one, that’s all I ask…”
Squinting past the glare, she saw the director look around the auditorium. “Hey you, can you read Romeo’s lines? It doesn’t have to be Shakespeare,” the director said, laughing a little in desperation. “I just need the scene played out for the light techs, okay?” Penny wondered who it’d be, having seen a lot of male friends in the audience, until: “That’s your friend up there, right?”
No. He did not just ask Sheldon to play Romeo to her Juliet.
…Yes. He did. He did just ask Sheldon to play Romeo to her Juliet. She kept her composure as Sheldon walked up on the stage, looking completely out of place and wearing gloves.
“I expect it’d be too much to ask for a new script,” he said after Romeo had handed him his.
“Yeah, kinda,” Penny interrupted.
“I see. No wonder actors were associated with disease in the olden days.”
Offensive, Sheldon, she thought. “I’m ready!” she said before anything else could happen.
“To clarify: I just read the lines.”
“Yes,” the director said, sounding amused. She had learned that was a warning sign, so she launched into the line, putting all her heart into it. She’d have to carry this and make it somewhat normal. She finished her part.
And waited. The lights were making her sweat. Waited some more.
“Hey Romeo, wherefore art thou?” she demanded.
“Here, Penny.”
“That was your line,” the director said, his voice coming from the shadows. No longer amused. Oh God.
“Which I read. As per instruction.”
“Speak it too,” Penny corrected. She heard some laughter. “He’s being funny. This guy is a physicist, you know. Let’s go again, Sheldon. Act now. No more jokes.”
He narrowed his eyes at her. She could see him itching to correct her, but thankfully, he looked back down at the paper. It was really easy to pretend to be someone else this time around.
She closed her eyes, hanging on in dread, waiting for the most mechanical line in –
He delivered the line perfectly. As in…it was as if someone had possessed him. She looked up to see him actually doing facial expressions and stuff. Like real feelings. And he was really…good. Her thoughts were just ‘wtf’ in a big neon sign.
Penny stared at him in shock and forgot her line.
“Let’s go again,” the director said. She definitely didn’t like what she heard in his voice now.
She struggled through it.
***
Leonard laughed when she told him.
Then he pulled a horrible face. “Now I see him in tights. Thank you, Penny. I’m not going to be able to close my eyes for a week.”
“You’ll be able to see it in person in three weeks,” she said, numbly, with her arm over her face. Penny had collapsed on the couch, not able to think, feel, or exist in an universe where…
“Wait, you’re not kidding?” he asked.
She shook her head. “He landed the lead over the other guy.”
Leonard stood in the middle of the room in his pajamas. He had frozen there, probably feeling how she felt.
“…How?”
“I don’t know. You’re the genius, you explain it to me. He was being all feeling and normal and it was like being in that episode you made me watch, the Twilight Zone one.”
“I’m going to have to go to this play,” Leonard said with nearly religious conviction. “I have to see it. Are cameras alone?”
She blinked and raised herself up slightly.
“How about camera phones? I’m going to have to IM Howard and tell him-.”
“You’re awfully excited about a play I’m not even in,” Penny said, and Leonard stopped rushing around the room.
“Which one are you in?”
She lay back down. “I’m waiting him out. I’m going to be in this spot, and I won’t move until he tells me what I want to know.”
“I’ll order a pizza for us. This will be awhile.”
It was awhile. She kept running the scene over and over again in her head. Leonard was very quiet while they waited, and she vaguely thought it was a good thing Sheldon wasn’t there for the pizza guy because he always timed the thirty minutes limit.
Then that set her right back at the beginning. Sheldon, secret break-out actor extraordinaire?…nah. There had been a mind-meld? She only remembered that because it made her think of melted cheese sandwiches for no reason. Now, though, she clung to the idea.
Sheldon walked in an hour later, in his own world and holding several books that he had disinfected from the library (which the library would not take back, surprise-surprise).
Leonard stopped in mid-bite. Penny sat up. Sheldon walked in, eyed the pizza with some distaste.
“There’s going to be a marathon later tonight,” he announced. “I’ll need my place very soon.”
Then he set down the books, got out his gloves, and flipped to a page. She twitched.
“Hey buddy, I heard you uh, had a big day today?”
“You’ve been misinformed. I have yet to publish my best theory,” he answered. She twitched again.
“I meant—you’re Romeo,” Leonard blurted out. Sheldon made a face.
“Oh that. Bound by a contract, unfortunately. It was an idle experiment. I’ll test my theory but that one has been already proven.”
“Okay, let’s cut to the chase,” Penny said, keeping his place hostage. “How were you able to play Romeo on the stage?”
“There were labels after the lines. Anger in parenthesis.”
“I don’t remember that being part of the play,” Leonard said, bewildered.
“It’s not. Those were added later to help us.”
“There’s the answer. I merely thought about the behavior common among primates in their natural habitat.”
“Sheldon,” Leonard groaned.
“Let him finish,” Penny said, keeping her cool. Ignore the fact that her fists were clenched around the cushions. “I’m very interested to hear this part.”
“Primates display characteristic facial parts and vocal indications of anger. There are several other indicators especially the whooping calls of lust.”
Her eyebrows shot to her hairline.
“I ‘aped’ the motions. The response among the spectators was largely positive. This is very curious in terms of evolution and the primitive roots of the human brain. I will be conducting the experiment in secret.”
Leonard looked slowly at Penny, his face prepared for anything.
“…Well, now I know!” she exclaimed, a smile on her face. “Mystery solved. I’ll be going.”
“All right,” Leonard said.
“Penny, you’ll be there tomorrow, yes? I require transportation.”
“You betcha!”
“Excellent,” Sheldon said and returned to his book. She closed the door behind her.
Leonard did not have a good feeling about this.
***
“Is today the day when you guys have your first big, wet kiss yet?” Penny asked.
As the chauffer to the star of the show, she thought it’d be best to give him some advice. She wasn’t trying to psyche him out. Not at all.
At first, the rest of the boys were surprised that she was being so supportive. For shame. She was a supportive person and a mature person and a good sport. She tightened her grip on the steering wheel.
“Correct but this isn’t a cause for alarm. I have a toothbrush on hand, and I inquired upon the nature of this kiss. The director said I could get close enough but not have our lips make any contact with each other.”
“Then what’s the toothbrush for if there’s not a real kiss?”
“I assume she won’t be considerate enough to hold her breath,” he said, reading the script diligently.
“Nice,” Penny said. She had to watch because she had signed her contract too. She had hoped it had been a fluke. No such luck. He was amazing up there, antibacterial hand wipes and all.
She started to notice that he was actually quite the little Napoleon up there, throwing his lines around like orders.
“The lights are dismal at best,” Sheldon suddenly pointed out. “The angle is completely off for the full visual effect.”
“Think you can do better?” the tech challenged. Penny put her forehead on the back of the seat in front of her.
So. He fixed the lights too. He was definitely a dictator.
He had to be taken down.
***
“Sheldon, I’ve got a surprise for you,” Penny cooed through the door, waving her hands to get his attention.
“If it’s a surprise, you shouldn’t have informed me of it,” he pointed out. Penny smiled warmly.
“You got me,’ she said and held up DVD. “Romeo and Juliet. We can watch it together and you can ask me question if you want.”
This was her plan. The director had commented on how unique Sheldon’s interpretation of Romeo was…so she was going to try and show him another actor’s interpretation. Just to widen his range, of course.
He furrowed his brow. “I don’t see any reason why I should watch the film.”
“Oh come on. You’ve seen those Star Trek episodes a thousand times.”
“A thousand and one. And that is quite different.”
“What’s going on?” Leonard asked. He stopped his lunch of Ramen noodles.
“We’re about to watch Romeo and Juliet,” Penny informed him.
“As in we, you don’t mean…”
“Just me and Sheldon.”
Leonard gave a sigh of relief.
“I have to refuse,” Sheldon said and directed his attention back to his computer.
“Why?” she asked, waving the DVD around threateningly.
“Because then I will know the ending. It defeats the purpose.”
There was a long pause, and the sound in the background was her mind imploding.
“You don’t know the ending,” she said, her hand dropping to her side.
“I believe the term most commonly used is ‘spoiler alert’. You can gather the meaning, I trust.” He looked back down at his computer.
She stared at him, a buzzing sound slowly gaining volume in her ears.
“You don’t know the ending of Romeo and Juliet?” she whispered, nearly slumping forward in shock.
“Technically, some time in the future, I will. Therefore, a version of me does know.”
“You’re playing Romeo,” Penny said, gaining steam and putting her hands on her hips. “And you—present you!,” she yelled when Sheldon once more lifted his head to correct her, “don’t know the ending of his story.”
“Shakespeare’s story. The character has no agency,” Sheldon corrected (anyway) and began to type once more.
“You know, that could help,” Leonard offered from his safe place by the counter. “Not knowing the ending. You could….never mind..” He went back to eating when she turned slowly to look at him.
Penny had several very striking and important things to say to Dr. Cooper. Things that would rock his physics soaked world. Prepare for the ultimate mind-meld, baby…she couldn’t believe she thought that. She pointed at him, dramatically as oh, an actress would, but he kept playing his game.
Then she got an idea. It was slightly crazy but in a world where Sheldon could act, it wasn’t so crazy after all. She beamed, and Leonard looked worried. She marched to the door, inspired…
But she couldn’t help throwing over her shoulder, “They both die in the end!”
Leonard winced at the door slam.
Sheldon lifted his head. “Of course they do because that’s the object of the game. She was referring to the game, was she not?”
“Sure, Sheldon,” Leonard said. He still had a bad feeling about this.
***
Apparently there was an invasion of niches going on. Well, two can play at that game.
She wasn’t going to let her niche be invaded without an offensive strike. Let him see what it felt like to have his niche invaded. Friday, she went to the library after work and checked out tons of physics books.
Saturday morning, she made herself a big pot of coffee and sat down at her table, armed with her fuzzy pink pen. She knew she could do it. She opened a textbook with flourish.
Thirty minutes later, she was making a sound of pain in the back of her throat. Forty minutes later, she was at Leonard’s door, hoping to avoid Sheldon.
It wasn’t that it was hard. It was that it was dry. It was like taking a bath in Sheldon’s brain. She needed a new way to look at it besides seeing dirty romantic liaisons between variables.
“You want me to tutor you?” Leonard asked, sleepily.
“Shhhh,” Penny said, motioning for him to keep it down. “Just a little. Like, on the basics. They keep going on about Schrodinger’s cat. What about a cat fits with physics?”
“Oh boy,” Leonard said. “That experiment. Well-.”
“Did I hear the words ‘Schrodinger’s cat’?”
You-Know-Who appeared behind Leonard. “I did, did I not?”
“Um,” Leonard said unhelpfully.
“You did,” Penny chirped, sensing an opportunity for dramatic irony. Bet he didn’t know what that was. She was sure this was what it meant. Kinda. “I was looking to learn more about the cat, and physics in general.”
“Why?” he asked bluntly.
“To learn. Cause I’m interested.”
“And you come to Leonard with your questions?” Sheldon asked, obviously scandalized.
“Well, if you have the time, you can teach me,” she said, beaming in that evil-mastermind way again.
“Please. Keep this between yourselves,” Leonard said. Sheldon gave him a look and then motioned her inside.
“I’m going to get the box.”
***
The box was horrible. The box was this metal box of doom and death and…creepiness.
Sheldon tapped his fingers on the lid. She looked at the notes he had written for her. No way. Not even acceptable.
The cat would be poisoned and then at that point in time, it can be simultaneously…alive and dead. Oh.
“It has to be a cat?” she asked, smiling sheepishly because surely, this had to be a joke. “I like cats.”
He tilted his head and then decided not to ask. Thankfully. Then: “Why no. A bird or rat could achieve the same effects, given that the box is sound-proof. It often is.”
Penny’s eyes bulged in horror. She looked down at the box, searching for sings of life. “Oh my god.”
“Yes, yes, an active demonstration would do better, but let’s make do with what we have.”
She almost cried with relief.
“Let’s uh, use a balloon or something.”
“I would have, but the balloon would make sound as this box is not sound-proof. Thus, it is not simultaneously deflated and inflated. That’s just silly.”
“Um, I think I can just get it from the pictures,” she said. “But it still doesn’t make sense. It wouldn’t make sense if there were a real little fluffy animal in the box of death.”
“How does…” he sighed, pursing his lips and showing signs of inner frustration. Now, she knew he wouldn’t go hunt a cat down to try the experiment. “This is rather unprecedented. Students at even the most elementary of levels still understand this concept.”
“Well, you’re wrong, and I know how.”
He scoffed and raised an eyebrow. Her mind raced, and her palms began to get all gross and sweaty. So, she blurted out the first thing that came into her head.
“You eggheads forgot the possibility of a zombie!cat!” she crowed victoriously. And then thought ‘wait, what?’
“…a what?” Sheldon asked, for once sounding legitimately surprised.
“Urgh. Forget it. Look, if you go over it one more time, I can-.”
“Wait. Wait.” Sheldon held up a hand and his eyes were….all strange. Like there were Christmas lights behind his eyes. “That’s actually…”
He tilted his head and slowly rose to his feet.
“That’s actually brilliant,” he breathed.
“Really?” she squeaked, thinking it off. “I thought it was a little far out there.”
“Oh it’s ridiculous. There has to be an opportunity for the contagion to affect the animal, but that adds another fact, another dimension to the original…oh good lord.”
She swallowed hard, watching him walk towards the drawing board as if sleepwalking. He picked up a marker and began to write and write.
“Sweetie, are you all right?”
“Penny. This. Good Lord.” He wrote and wrote, and whoa, brain splurge.
“I’ll take that as a maybe,” she muttered, getting up. “I think I understand now. Thank you.”
He didn’t answer.
She let herself out.
***
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE’S INVENTED A WHOLE NEW THEORY?!”
“I meant…he’s discovered a whole new theory,” Leonard reported at her door, hands in his pockets.
“’Cause of what I said?!”
“…Yeah. I think that helped.”
“So, in addition to stealing my future academy award, he’s also stolen my Nobel prize. Huh.”
Over a zombie cat. A zombie cat. In his own words, which she’d steal, GOOD LORD.
“I’ll be over there. He’s on a role and I’ve got to agree with his conclusions…”
She twitched. Leonard fled.
***
Penny went to bed early that night because she wouldn’t be a part of this circus anymore.
This would make her a terrible, terrible person, but there was only so much she could take. The universe was obviously her nemesis, and fate was working against her. She had some seriously bad karma. In a past life, she stepped on a special bug or something, and it cursed her.
That was the only answer to why things didn’t really work out for her. She closed her eyes and tried to get some sleep. Tomorrow was a new day.
She didn’t know if she had been awake or if the sound had woken her up. In the hallway, there was this hissing, spitting, mewing sound. She got up and went to the peephole.
There, she saw Sheldon, pulling this orange ball with a leash. Only it wasn’t an inanimate ball. It was a small kitty.
A small kitty.
Her mind connected the dots, and before she knew it, she was in the hall, yelling and screaming herself.
Sheldon jumped a foot in the air as she attacked him, grabbing for the leash. Leonard was out in the hallway, yelling too.
“What’s going on now?!”
“I am unsure,” Sheldon said. “There’s no connection between what I was doing and Penny’s current behavior. If there’s-.”
She tried to pull the struggling cat away. “Bull! I won’t let you poison this cat!”
Leonard groaned.
“….Beg your pardon?” Sheldon asked, blinking in surprise.
“…You mean you aren’t going to kill the kitty?” she responded, stepping back. “Oh.”
“…You’d assume that I’d….” he stopped, and without waiting for an explanation, moved past Leonard and into their room.
“I can still tutor you if you…” Leonard offered after a moment of horrified silence. “Never mind.”
***
Penny knew she had made a mistake when she heard that Sheldon suffered through public transportation to get to work and the play. It was as if she had hurt his feelings. This wasn’t possibly, not really, but she couldn’t shake the idea.
Leonard kept saying it wasn’t a good time for her to come over. That didn’t discourage her. She also knew that he had to sleep eventually.
So, she found herself outside his room, knocking.
“Sheldon.”
No answer. She knocked again. “Sheldon.”
No answer. She had seen a light under the door, and she wasn’t giving up. Knock, knock.
“Sheldon.”
The door opened, and he looked at her. “Hello. Was it necessary to knock more than once?”
She wasn’t going to point out the obvious. She looked at his pajamas. They were quite colorful and superhero-ish.
“The cat is in my place,” he informed her.
“On the couch. Yeah, I noticed. Um, I think I owe you an apology?”
Thank god that he didn’t ask what for.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t really think you were going to…”
“You did not?”
“…Well, that’s the funny part. It’s like the cat experiment. I did think that and I didn’t think that…at the same time.”
“You still fail to understand the experiment.”
“I think I just fail in general,” she said, crossing her arms. “That was really lousy of me. Will you forgive me?”
He looked over her shoulder for a moment, appearing to think it over. “Yes. I can see where you’d draw the conclusion from, however erroneous it was. You’re forgiven.”
She smiled at him. And then burst into tears.
Through the blur, she could tell he was confused. And that made her feel worse. She ended up crying more.
“Did you not hear? You’re forgiven,” he said and in an awkward show of comfort, patted her on her head. “No need to…do that.”
She made her way into his room and sat on his bed. He closed the door, watching her. He had rules about his room, but this was an emergency.
“I’m sorry. I know this makes me a bad person,” Penny said, wiping her cheeks. She hated when she let life get her down. Hated it, hated it. “It’s just really frustrating, you know. I feel like such an idiot sometimes.”
“Penny, that’s impossible. You’d be an idiot all the time.” She rolled her eyes. “And you’re not at any time. You’re of above average intelligence among people who are in your age bracket.”
“Well, that’s just great. That’s…just great,” she finished wetly, processing his statement. “You think I’m of above average intelligence?”
“Certainly,” he said as if it wasn’t up for debate. “I measured it myself on several variables.”
She shook her head, surprised “Okay. Uh. Okay. That actually makes me feel a little bit better.”
“A fact that you should already know makes you feel better?” he mused. “Interesting.”
She looked at her hands. Still blurry.
“I guess I don’t know what I’m good at. Not anymore.”
“I was under the impression that you liked acting.”
“Uh-huh. The primate dance,” she said, giving him a look.
“What is wrong with that? It is the point of evolution.” He paused, seeming frustrated, and she realized she was the cause. She didn’t know how to feel about that.
“It’s all right, Sheldon. We’re cool now? And by that, I mean we are friends. Back to normal. Or what was normal for us.”
“No. It’s not quite…satisfactory,” he protested. “There has to be a cause for your behavior.”
She flushed.
“Maybe. I think I got a little…throw off that you were so good on stage. And then you said it was like primates, and even if that is the point of evolution—and I’m not going there with you right now, ‘k thanks—it’s a little hurtful and discouraging.”
“Hurtful?” he questioned. She sighed. This was going nowhere. “Penny, the play isn’t up to par. I, based on several variables, find you to be the superior Juliet. The other woman mimicks as I do except she's not performing an experiment. You do not appear to mimick. It's...well. It's tedious to explain what we both know.”
Her breath caught. “…Really. You wouldn’t be…no, you wouldn’t just be saying that.”
Because he wouldn’t say anything that he didn’t think was true.
“Of course not,” he said. “It’s been my observation that you have a tendency to think that everyone’s opinions are valid.”
“…Yeah,” she said.
“Do you find yourself to be the superior Juliet?” Sheldon asked, a bit of an impatient edge to his voice, and that made her rise to the challenge. It also made her sure of her answer.
“Yes,” Penny said.
“Then that opinion should be sufficient. This situation is unlike the experiment. You either are good, or you are not. We’ve both found that you are,” he answered. As if it was obvious. Something warm spiked in her chest. He took this invalidation of other theories a little too far, but there was a point of balance that she had to strike. She really did feel...better.
She smiled a real smile at Sheldon.
“May I hug you now?”
“If you must,” he said, and she did have to. She dried her eyes on her own shirt first and then hugged him tightly.
He tensed up a little but patted her on the head again. Now, this was nice.
Glowing with happiness, she slowly pulled away. “I’ll drive you tomorrow if that’s okay.”
“No,” he said and her face fell. Then: “I won’t be there.”
“Why not? You’re the star!”
“They were going to dress me in a contaminated costume. This was unacceptable.”
“And the contract…” she prompted.
“I was told there would be a trifle on the way,” he said casually.
“Oh.”
“But there is one thing you can do, Penny.”
She raised an eyebrow.
“The cat is in my place.”
Penny put that through Sheldon-speak. “You want to give him to me?”
“That was the initial idea. The cat wouldn’t stop following me. You said you liked cats.”
“Ah,” she said and couldn’t help but smile again. “No problem. I’ll take the little guy.”
Sheldon closed his eyes in relief. “Goodnight, Penny. And be careful. I highly suspect he has a soul of a troll.”
She laughed and walked past him, waving over her shoulder. “I think I can handle it.”
“I do as well. Goodnight, Penny.”
She stood a little too long outside his door, but after a moment, she went to pick up the cat whom she was planning to name ‘Rod’ as a twist from that horrible experiment. She made a mental note: when she landed her first big role, she’d definitely make sure to invite him.
Rating: PG (I'm thinking...)
Pairing: Penny/Sheldon
Word Count: 4, 808
Prompt: inspired by the idea of Schrodinger’s cat
Warning: it is unbeta'd.
“I can’t work with these lights! They are right in my face.”
Jennifer’s voice boomed out through the auditorium.
Penny could think of other things—like anvils—she could put in the star of the show’s face yet she restrained herself. She was the understudy, true, but that was one step closer to her dream. Being an extra wasn’t the same thing as an understudy. This wasn’t the same thing as being on the TV but….this was a good sign. Building her resume was a priority.
She seized the moment and leaned forward in her seat to speak to the director.
“Hey, I could take her place while they work on the lights. I work outside as a kid a lot, so my eyes are probably immune to intense light.”
The director listened to her for a moment and then nodded, calling out to the other actress to take a seat.
Now, Penny could strut her stuff. Now-
“Penny.” She clenched her jaw. “Penny.”
“Yes, Sheldon?” she asked, getting to her feet, script a ready-made weapon to bop certain physicist.”
“Immunity doesn’t work that way,” he added with some caution. “That’d be evolution, and your statement contradicts evolution.” He was, of course, already standing, having been able to find a perfect seat with all his requirements.
“You could figure out a way for it to work that way. Chew on that, while I work.”
He made a face at her and then his expression cleared. “Sarcasm.”
She nodded as she watched Jennifer cleared the stage. She just had to get into character, jump into the emotions, and be in another place and another time. Be another person. It was what she was good at. Though this play wasn’t modern, it kept to a common theme of human experience. And that was-
“I’m interested in observing ritualistic and repetitive motions,” Sheldon commented, prepared to study the stage.
-Love-. She smiled at him. “Sheldon. Get ready to be amazed, I’m about to blow your mind.”
“Still sarcasm? I hope?”
Sheldon, she had discovered, never meant any harm in his comments. He should be concerned for his mind because she was about to rock it. So she winked at him and walked up the steps, taking slow and steady breaths. She was not going to psyche herself out.
Romeo was a dark headed handsome guy who was kind of a kiss ass to the director: she couldn’t blame him, but it was a little unnerving.
“Okay, let’s start this scene when Jennifer left off.”
The lights really were bright. She felt like it was burning her eyes. Hey, look on the bright side of this whole thing: she was on stage and she wouldn’t see Sheldon watching her. It hadn’t been her choice, to bring him along. He had gone to one of his many check-ups at the hospital and she had been the only one available to give him a ride. She wasn’t going to let herself miss any rehearsal, so he just had to sit there.
Obviously, she had made a good choice showing up.
'Tis but thy name that is my enemy…” Penny thought she delivered it well, and she could relate a little to Juliet. Jerk after jerk after jerk till there was finally hope. She started to sink into the words and get the momentum. She could feel the director’s eyes on her.
Then she glanced up to stare down at Romeo from the platform. His warm eyes lit up and he opened his mouth—
To croak out a mangled sentence. That burst her bubble.
“…What was that?” the director asked sharply.
“I’m coming down with a cold.”
“Oh for—then where’s your understudy?”
“I caught the cold from him,” Romeo said, rolling his eyes, and then coughing again.
“Great. This is just great. We will actually get through a scene today, people. Just one, that’s all I ask…”
Squinting past the glare, she saw the director look around the auditorium. “Hey you, can you read Romeo’s lines? It doesn’t have to be Shakespeare,” the director said, laughing a little in desperation. “I just need the scene played out for the light techs, okay?” Penny wondered who it’d be, having seen a lot of male friends in the audience, until: “That’s your friend up there, right?”
No. He did not just ask Sheldon to play Romeo to her Juliet.
…Yes. He did. He did just ask Sheldon to play Romeo to her Juliet. She kept her composure as Sheldon walked up on the stage, looking completely out of place and wearing gloves.
“I expect it’d be too much to ask for a new script,” he said after Romeo had handed him his.
“Yeah, kinda,” Penny interrupted.
“I see. No wonder actors were associated with disease in the olden days.”
Offensive, Sheldon, she thought. “I’m ready!” she said before anything else could happen.
“To clarify: I just read the lines.”
“Yes,” the director said, sounding amused. She had learned that was a warning sign, so she launched into the line, putting all her heart into it. She’d have to carry this and make it somewhat normal. She finished her part.
And waited. The lights were making her sweat. Waited some more.
“Hey Romeo, wherefore art thou?” she demanded.
“Here, Penny.”
“That was your line,” the director said, his voice coming from the shadows. No longer amused. Oh God.
“Which I read. As per instruction.”
“Speak it too,” Penny corrected. She heard some laughter. “He’s being funny. This guy is a physicist, you know. Let’s go again, Sheldon. Act now. No more jokes.”
He narrowed his eyes at her. She could see him itching to correct her, but thankfully, he looked back down at the paper. It was really easy to pretend to be someone else this time around.
She closed her eyes, hanging on in dread, waiting for the most mechanical line in –
He delivered the line perfectly. As in…it was as if someone had possessed him. She looked up to see him actually doing facial expressions and stuff. Like real feelings. And he was really…good. Her thoughts were just ‘wtf’ in a big neon sign.
Penny stared at him in shock and forgot her line.
“Let’s go again,” the director said. She definitely didn’t like what she heard in his voice now.
She struggled through it.
***
Leonard laughed when she told him.
Then he pulled a horrible face. “Now I see him in tights. Thank you, Penny. I’m not going to be able to close my eyes for a week.”
“You’ll be able to see it in person in three weeks,” she said, numbly, with her arm over her face. Penny had collapsed on the couch, not able to think, feel, or exist in an universe where…
“Wait, you’re not kidding?” he asked.
She shook her head. “He landed the lead over the other guy.”
Leonard stood in the middle of the room in his pajamas. He had frozen there, probably feeling how she felt.
“…How?”
“I don’t know. You’re the genius, you explain it to me. He was being all feeling and normal and it was like being in that episode you made me watch, the Twilight Zone one.”
“I’m going to have to go to this play,” Leonard said with nearly religious conviction. “I have to see it. Are cameras alone?”
She blinked and raised herself up slightly.
“How about camera phones? I’m going to have to IM Howard and tell him-.”
“You’re awfully excited about a play I’m not even in,” Penny said, and Leonard stopped rushing around the room.
“Which one are you in?”
She lay back down. “I’m waiting him out. I’m going to be in this spot, and I won’t move until he tells me what I want to know.”
“I’ll order a pizza for us. This will be awhile.”
It was awhile. She kept running the scene over and over again in her head. Leonard was very quiet while they waited, and she vaguely thought it was a good thing Sheldon wasn’t there for the pizza guy because he always timed the thirty minutes limit.
Then that set her right back at the beginning. Sheldon, secret break-out actor extraordinaire?…nah. There had been a mind-meld? She only remembered that because it made her think of melted cheese sandwiches for no reason. Now, though, she clung to the idea.
Sheldon walked in an hour later, in his own world and holding several books that he had disinfected from the library (which the library would not take back, surprise-surprise).
Leonard stopped in mid-bite. Penny sat up. Sheldon walked in, eyed the pizza with some distaste.
“There’s going to be a marathon later tonight,” he announced. “I’ll need my place very soon.”
Then he set down the books, got out his gloves, and flipped to a page. She twitched.
“Hey buddy, I heard you uh, had a big day today?”
“You’ve been misinformed. I have yet to publish my best theory,” he answered. She twitched again.
“I meant—you’re Romeo,” Leonard blurted out. Sheldon made a face.
“Oh that. Bound by a contract, unfortunately. It was an idle experiment. I’ll test my theory but that one has been already proven.”
“Okay, let’s cut to the chase,” Penny said, keeping his place hostage. “How were you able to play Romeo on the stage?”
“There were labels after the lines. Anger in parenthesis.”
“I don’t remember that being part of the play,” Leonard said, bewildered.
“It’s not. Those were added later to help us.”
“There’s the answer. I merely thought about the behavior common among primates in their natural habitat.”
“Sheldon,” Leonard groaned.
“Let him finish,” Penny said, keeping her cool. Ignore the fact that her fists were clenched around the cushions. “I’m very interested to hear this part.”
“Primates display characteristic facial parts and vocal indications of anger. There are several other indicators especially the whooping calls of lust.”
Her eyebrows shot to her hairline.
“I ‘aped’ the motions. The response among the spectators was largely positive. This is very curious in terms of evolution and the primitive roots of the human brain. I will be conducting the experiment in secret.”
Leonard looked slowly at Penny, his face prepared for anything.
“…Well, now I know!” she exclaimed, a smile on her face. “Mystery solved. I’ll be going.”
“All right,” Leonard said.
“Penny, you’ll be there tomorrow, yes? I require transportation.”
“You betcha!”
“Excellent,” Sheldon said and returned to his book. She closed the door behind her.
Leonard did not have a good feeling about this.
***
“Is today the day when you guys have your first big, wet kiss yet?” Penny asked.
As the chauffer to the star of the show, she thought it’d be best to give him some advice. She wasn’t trying to psyche him out. Not at all.
At first, the rest of the boys were surprised that she was being so supportive. For shame. She was a supportive person and a mature person and a good sport. She tightened her grip on the steering wheel.
“Correct but this isn’t a cause for alarm. I have a toothbrush on hand, and I inquired upon the nature of this kiss. The director said I could get close enough but not have our lips make any contact with each other.”
“Then what’s the toothbrush for if there’s not a real kiss?”
“I assume she won’t be considerate enough to hold her breath,” he said, reading the script diligently.
“Nice,” Penny said. She had to watch because she had signed her contract too. She had hoped it had been a fluke. No such luck. He was amazing up there, antibacterial hand wipes and all.
She started to notice that he was actually quite the little Napoleon up there, throwing his lines around like orders.
“The lights are dismal at best,” Sheldon suddenly pointed out. “The angle is completely off for the full visual effect.”
“Think you can do better?” the tech challenged. Penny put her forehead on the back of the seat in front of her.
So. He fixed the lights too. He was definitely a dictator.
He had to be taken down.
***
“Sheldon, I’ve got a surprise for you,” Penny cooed through the door, waving her hands to get his attention.
“If it’s a surprise, you shouldn’t have informed me of it,” he pointed out. Penny smiled warmly.
“You got me,’ she said and held up DVD. “Romeo and Juliet. We can watch it together and you can ask me question if you want.”
This was her plan. The director had commented on how unique Sheldon’s interpretation of Romeo was…so she was going to try and show him another actor’s interpretation. Just to widen his range, of course.
He furrowed his brow. “I don’t see any reason why I should watch the film.”
“Oh come on. You’ve seen those Star Trek episodes a thousand times.”
“A thousand and one. And that is quite different.”
“What’s going on?” Leonard asked. He stopped his lunch of Ramen noodles.
“We’re about to watch Romeo and Juliet,” Penny informed him.
“As in we, you don’t mean…”
“Just me and Sheldon.”
Leonard gave a sigh of relief.
“I have to refuse,” Sheldon said and directed his attention back to his computer.
“Why?” she asked, waving the DVD around threateningly.
“Because then I will know the ending. It defeats the purpose.”
There was a long pause, and the sound in the background was her mind imploding.
“You don’t know the ending,” she said, her hand dropping to her side.
“I believe the term most commonly used is ‘spoiler alert’. You can gather the meaning, I trust.” He looked back down at his computer.
She stared at him, a buzzing sound slowly gaining volume in her ears.
“You don’t know the ending of Romeo and Juliet?” she whispered, nearly slumping forward in shock.
“Technically, some time in the future, I will. Therefore, a version of me does know.”
“You’re playing Romeo,” Penny said, gaining steam and putting her hands on her hips. “And you—present you!,” she yelled when Sheldon once more lifted his head to correct her, “don’t know the ending of his story.”
“Shakespeare’s story. The character has no agency,” Sheldon corrected (anyway) and began to type once more.
“You know, that could help,” Leonard offered from his safe place by the counter. “Not knowing the ending. You could….never mind..” He went back to eating when she turned slowly to look at him.
Penny had several very striking and important things to say to Dr. Cooper. Things that would rock his physics soaked world. Prepare for the ultimate mind-meld, baby…she couldn’t believe she thought that. She pointed at him, dramatically as oh, an actress would, but he kept playing his game.
Then she got an idea. It was slightly crazy but in a world where Sheldon could act, it wasn’t so crazy after all. She beamed, and Leonard looked worried. She marched to the door, inspired…
But she couldn’t help throwing over her shoulder, “They both die in the end!”
Leonard winced at the door slam.
Sheldon lifted his head. “Of course they do because that’s the object of the game. She was referring to the game, was she not?”
“Sure, Sheldon,” Leonard said. He still had a bad feeling about this.
***
Apparently there was an invasion of niches going on. Well, two can play at that game.
She wasn’t going to let her niche be invaded without an offensive strike. Let him see what it felt like to have his niche invaded. Friday, she went to the library after work and checked out tons of physics books.
Saturday morning, she made herself a big pot of coffee and sat down at her table, armed with her fuzzy pink pen. She knew she could do it. She opened a textbook with flourish.
Thirty minutes later, she was making a sound of pain in the back of her throat. Forty minutes later, she was at Leonard’s door, hoping to avoid Sheldon.
It wasn’t that it was hard. It was that it was dry. It was like taking a bath in Sheldon’s brain. She needed a new way to look at it besides seeing dirty romantic liaisons between variables.
“You want me to tutor you?” Leonard asked, sleepily.
“Shhhh,” Penny said, motioning for him to keep it down. “Just a little. Like, on the basics. They keep going on about Schrodinger’s cat. What about a cat fits with physics?”
“Oh boy,” Leonard said. “That experiment. Well-.”
“Did I hear the words ‘Schrodinger’s cat’?”
You-Know-Who appeared behind Leonard. “I did, did I not?”
“Um,” Leonard said unhelpfully.
“You did,” Penny chirped, sensing an opportunity for dramatic irony. Bet he didn’t know what that was. She was sure this was what it meant. Kinda. “I was looking to learn more about the cat, and physics in general.”
“Why?” he asked bluntly.
“To learn. Cause I’m interested.”
“And you come to Leonard with your questions?” Sheldon asked, obviously scandalized.
“Well, if you have the time, you can teach me,” she said, beaming in that evil-mastermind way again.
“Please. Keep this between yourselves,” Leonard said. Sheldon gave him a look and then motioned her inside.
“I’m going to get the box.”
***
The box was horrible. The box was this metal box of doom and death and…creepiness.
Sheldon tapped his fingers on the lid. She looked at the notes he had written for her. No way. Not even acceptable.
The cat would be poisoned and then at that point in time, it can be simultaneously…alive and dead. Oh.
“It has to be a cat?” she asked, smiling sheepishly because surely, this had to be a joke. “I like cats.”
He tilted his head and then decided not to ask. Thankfully. Then: “Why no. A bird or rat could achieve the same effects, given that the box is sound-proof. It often is.”
Penny’s eyes bulged in horror. She looked down at the box, searching for sings of life. “Oh my god.”
“Yes, yes, an active demonstration would do better, but let’s make do with what we have.”
She almost cried with relief.
“Let’s uh, use a balloon or something.”
“I would have, but the balloon would make sound as this box is not sound-proof. Thus, it is not simultaneously deflated and inflated. That’s just silly.”
“Um, I think I can just get it from the pictures,” she said. “But it still doesn’t make sense. It wouldn’t make sense if there were a real little fluffy animal in the box of death.”
“How does…” he sighed, pursing his lips and showing signs of inner frustration. Now, she knew he wouldn’t go hunt a cat down to try the experiment. “This is rather unprecedented. Students at even the most elementary of levels still understand this concept.”
“Well, you’re wrong, and I know how.”
He scoffed and raised an eyebrow. Her mind raced, and her palms began to get all gross and sweaty. So, she blurted out the first thing that came into her head.
“You eggheads forgot the possibility of a zombie!cat!” she crowed victoriously. And then thought ‘wait, what?’
“…a what?” Sheldon asked, for once sounding legitimately surprised.
“Urgh. Forget it. Look, if you go over it one more time, I can-.”
“Wait. Wait.” Sheldon held up a hand and his eyes were….all strange. Like there were Christmas lights behind his eyes. “That’s actually…”
He tilted his head and slowly rose to his feet.
“That’s actually brilliant,” he breathed.
“Really?” she squeaked, thinking it off. “I thought it was a little far out there.”
“Oh it’s ridiculous. There has to be an opportunity for the contagion to affect the animal, but that adds another fact, another dimension to the original…oh good lord.”
She swallowed hard, watching him walk towards the drawing board as if sleepwalking. He picked up a marker and began to write and write.
“Sweetie, are you all right?”
“Penny. This. Good Lord.” He wrote and wrote, and whoa, brain splurge.
“I’ll take that as a maybe,” she muttered, getting up. “I think I understand now. Thank you.”
He didn’t answer.
She let herself out.
***
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE’S INVENTED A WHOLE NEW THEORY?!”
“I meant…he’s discovered a whole new theory,” Leonard reported at her door, hands in his pockets.
“’Cause of what I said?!”
“…Yeah. I think that helped.”
“So, in addition to stealing my future academy award, he’s also stolen my Nobel prize. Huh.”
Over a zombie cat. A zombie cat. In his own words, which she’d steal, GOOD LORD.
“I’ll be over there. He’s on a role and I’ve got to agree with his conclusions…”
She twitched. Leonard fled.
***
Penny went to bed early that night because she wouldn’t be a part of this circus anymore.
This would make her a terrible, terrible person, but there was only so much she could take. The universe was obviously her nemesis, and fate was working against her. She had some seriously bad karma. In a past life, she stepped on a special bug or something, and it cursed her.
That was the only answer to why things didn’t really work out for her. She closed her eyes and tried to get some sleep. Tomorrow was a new day.
She didn’t know if she had been awake or if the sound had woken her up. In the hallway, there was this hissing, spitting, mewing sound. She got up and went to the peephole.
There, she saw Sheldon, pulling this orange ball with a leash. Only it wasn’t an inanimate ball. It was a small kitty.
A small kitty.
Her mind connected the dots, and before she knew it, she was in the hall, yelling and screaming herself.
Sheldon jumped a foot in the air as she attacked him, grabbing for the leash. Leonard was out in the hallway, yelling too.
“What’s going on now?!”
“I am unsure,” Sheldon said. “There’s no connection between what I was doing and Penny’s current behavior. If there’s-.”
She tried to pull the struggling cat away. “Bull! I won’t let you poison this cat!”
Leonard groaned.
“….Beg your pardon?” Sheldon asked, blinking in surprise.
“…You mean you aren’t going to kill the kitty?” she responded, stepping back. “Oh.”
“…You’d assume that I’d….” he stopped, and without waiting for an explanation, moved past Leonard and into their room.
“I can still tutor you if you…” Leonard offered after a moment of horrified silence. “Never mind.”
***
Penny knew she had made a mistake when she heard that Sheldon suffered through public transportation to get to work and the play. It was as if she had hurt his feelings. This wasn’t possibly, not really, but she couldn’t shake the idea.
Leonard kept saying it wasn’t a good time for her to come over. That didn’t discourage her. She also knew that he had to sleep eventually.
So, she found herself outside his room, knocking.
“Sheldon.”
No answer. She knocked again. “Sheldon.”
No answer. She had seen a light under the door, and she wasn’t giving up. Knock, knock.
“Sheldon.”
The door opened, and he looked at her. “Hello. Was it necessary to knock more than once?”
She wasn’t going to point out the obvious. She looked at his pajamas. They were quite colorful and superhero-ish.
“The cat is in my place,” he informed her.
“On the couch. Yeah, I noticed. Um, I think I owe you an apology?”
Thank god that he didn’t ask what for.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t really think you were going to…”
“You did not?”
“…Well, that’s the funny part. It’s like the cat experiment. I did think that and I didn’t think that…at the same time.”
“You still fail to understand the experiment.”
“I think I just fail in general,” she said, crossing her arms. “That was really lousy of me. Will you forgive me?”
He looked over her shoulder for a moment, appearing to think it over. “Yes. I can see where you’d draw the conclusion from, however erroneous it was. You’re forgiven.”
She smiled at him. And then burst into tears.
Through the blur, she could tell he was confused. And that made her feel worse. She ended up crying more.
“Did you not hear? You’re forgiven,” he said and in an awkward show of comfort, patted her on her head. “No need to…do that.”
She made her way into his room and sat on his bed. He closed the door, watching her. He had rules about his room, but this was an emergency.
“I’m sorry. I know this makes me a bad person,” Penny said, wiping her cheeks. She hated when she let life get her down. Hated it, hated it. “It’s just really frustrating, you know. I feel like such an idiot sometimes.”
“Penny, that’s impossible. You’d be an idiot all the time.” She rolled her eyes. “And you’re not at any time. You’re of above average intelligence among people who are in your age bracket.”
“Well, that’s just great. That’s…just great,” she finished wetly, processing his statement. “You think I’m of above average intelligence?”
“Certainly,” he said as if it wasn’t up for debate. “I measured it myself on several variables.”
She shook her head, surprised “Okay. Uh. Okay. That actually makes me feel a little bit better.”
“A fact that you should already know makes you feel better?” he mused. “Interesting.”
She looked at her hands. Still blurry.
“I guess I don’t know what I’m good at. Not anymore.”
“I was under the impression that you liked acting.”
“Uh-huh. The primate dance,” she said, giving him a look.
“What is wrong with that? It is the point of evolution.” He paused, seeming frustrated, and she realized she was the cause. She didn’t know how to feel about that.
“It’s all right, Sheldon. We’re cool now? And by that, I mean we are friends. Back to normal. Or what was normal for us.”
“No. It’s not quite…satisfactory,” he protested. “There has to be a cause for your behavior.”
She flushed.
“Maybe. I think I got a little…throw off that you were so good on stage. And then you said it was like primates, and even if that is the point of evolution—and I’m not going there with you right now, ‘k thanks—it’s a little hurtful and discouraging.”
“Hurtful?” he questioned. She sighed. This was going nowhere. “Penny, the play isn’t up to par. I, based on several variables, find you to be the superior Juliet. The other woman mimicks as I do except she's not performing an experiment. You do not appear to mimick. It's...well. It's tedious to explain what we both know.”
Her breath caught. “…Really. You wouldn’t be…no, you wouldn’t just be saying that.”
Because he wouldn’t say anything that he didn’t think was true.
“Of course not,” he said. “It’s been my observation that you have a tendency to think that everyone’s opinions are valid.”
“…Yeah,” she said.
“Do you find yourself to be the superior Juliet?” Sheldon asked, a bit of an impatient edge to his voice, and that made her rise to the challenge. It also made her sure of her answer.
“Yes,” Penny said.
“Then that opinion should be sufficient. This situation is unlike the experiment. You either are good, or you are not. We’ve both found that you are,” he answered. As if it was obvious. Something warm spiked in her chest. He took this invalidation of other theories a little too far, but there was a point of balance that she had to strike. She really did feel...better.
She smiled a real smile at Sheldon.
“May I hug you now?”
“If you must,” he said, and she did have to. She dried her eyes on her own shirt first and then hugged him tightly.
He tensed up a little but patted her on the head again. Now, this was nice.
Glowing with happiness, she slowly pulled away. “I’ll drive you tomorrow if that’s okay.”
“No,” he said and her face fell. Then: “I won’t be there.”
“Why not? You’re the star!”
“They were going to dress me in a contaminated costume. This was unacceptable.”
“And the contract…” she prompted.
“I was told there would be a trifle on the way,” he said casually.
“Oh.”
“But there is one thing you can do, Penny.”
She raised an eyebrow.
“The cat is in my place.”
Penny put that through Sheldon-speak. “You want to give him to me?”
“That was the initial idea. The cat wouldn’t stop following me. You said you liked cats.”
“Ah,” she said and couldn’t help but smile again. “No problem. I’ll take the little guy.”
Sheldon closed his eyes in relief. “Goodnight, Penny. And be careful. I highly suspect he has a soul of a troll.”
She laughed and walked past him, waving over her shoulder. “I think I can handle it.”
“I do as well. Goodnight, Penny.”
She stood a little too long outside his door, but after a moment, she went to pick up the cat whom she was planning to name ‘Rod’ as a twist from that horrible experiment. She made a mental note: when she landed her first big role, she’d definitely make sure to invite him.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-02-07 07:57 pm (UTC)also, "And be careful. I highly suspect he has a soul of a troll"
*snigger*
no subject
Date: 2010-02-07 11:13 pm (UTC)Heh, and secretly Sheldon likes the cat...very secretly...like...well<3.
I'm glad you liked!! It was a fun prompt.